If the Shoe Fits, Buy It! Marciano Roxanne stiletto

The Marciano Roxanne is a rock star shoe. I think that these leather cuffed bad boys have made it to the top of my must-have list...

Feed Me Now! Yellow

An homage to my favorite yellow foods:

Bananas
Butter
Corn
Egg Salad
French fries
Macaroni and cheese
Parmesan cheese
Pineapple

Throwback - Overalls

I have an essential 1990s math equation for you:

(overalls) + (one strap down) = too cool for school

Now, overalls alone were fairly stylish in the 90s, but letting one strap dangle in the wind behind you was like saying, "I started to get dressed this morning, but suddenly realized that I am way too cool to bother with such mundane activities... so I stopped, and here I am. Love it or leave it. And you know you love it."

And silly me, I thought that one-strapped overalls went out of fashion... but USI Clothing has decided otherwise. These lovely numbers come with only one strap, so there is no fear that your errant strap will get caught in a combine, thus allowing you to fashionably express yourself without potential mangling.

WTF? Sheep

SHEEP!

This post may make you feel sorry for sheep. I know I do, now that I realize how many men are apparently interested in the idea of sleeping with a sheep. Well, sheep are very cute!

Sheep get thirsty, too:

Sheep apron:
Sheep freak:

Inflate-a-sheep:

Sheep art:

Sheep for sale, appetizing yummy tummy sheep for sale:

Disclaimer: Of course the Faux Paw Blog does not condone humans having sex with sheep or any other animals. Just in case you are insane and think it does. No sheep sex. No! None. Just say no.

Take Your Pick - American Idol

A national tragedy occurred last week when Paula Abdul announced that she would not be gracing American Idol with her presence during its ninth season.

The producers have stated that they intend to continue with the 4-judge panel format, so they will need to find a replacement, stat! Since I am unavailable (it conflicts with my Champagne Wednesday plans), who would best fill Paula's kooky shoes?

Who should replace Paula Abdul on American Idol?
	A box of rocks
	Gary Busey
	Spaghetti cat
	A bottle of Oxycontin
	Madonna's veiny arms
pollcode.com free polls

A box of rocks:

Gary Busey:

Spaghetti cat:

A bottle of Oxycontin:

Madonna's veiny arms:

High School Reunion - A Top 10 List

10 Year High School Reunion (aka: I invented Post-It Notes)

Dun dun dun...

I was not overly thrilled about attending this event, but peer pressure kicked in and I caved. I am still learning after all these years, however, and will therefore share my wisdom with you...

Top 10 Reunion *Highlights* (OR) What I learned at my 10-Year reunion:

10. When you are putting on makeup for your reunion, stop after the third layer. I kept going, and looked like a 42-year-old streetwalker version of myself (albeit, a lovely and successful one, if I do say so myself).

9. I did not give myself enough credit when I planned the list of awesome faux careers (astronaut, NASCAR driver, fluffer, baby mama, 7-11 manager) that I would claim in order to impress my old classmates... Because, alas, simply being myself turned out to be awesome enough - mainly because I do not live in a trailer, am gainfully employed as something other than a day laborer or convenience store clerk, have a professional degree, haven't popped out any welfare babies (yet), and was wearing fabulous shoes.

8. When an old friend tells you she married her wife on Halloween, don't ask if they dressed up as a bride and a bride. Even if you are seriously proud of her and genuinely hoped that they had. Some people just don't have a sense of humor about California's pitiful failure to protect the equal rights of gays and lesbians. Next thing you know, my asbestos jokes will be out of style, too.

7. When the invitation says that no refreshments will be provided, they mean it! If you wanted a drink, you bought it yourself (or lovely friends bought it for you, in my case). If you wanted food, you left. Since we all know how long I can go without food (11.62 minutes), this was not cool.

6. If the invitation says that they are "hopeing to have the whole place filled" with the graduating class, you are experiencing a glorious example of public school spelling skills in action!

5. Hanging out almost exclusively with honors students in high school will, 10 years later, give you a pleasant feeling that your old friends are a seriously successful group of 20-somethings (lawyers, teachers, engineers, doctors, computer experts) - which of course speaks mainly to your uncanny ability to select smart friends.

4. Having 4 drinks and leaving after an hour and a half creates a reunion experience that is not entirely painful. Please take note of this method, as I use it frequently at a variety of events.

3. When the invitation actually describes the reunion location as "unthreatening," you should be more scared than if the Evite says nothing about the potential "threat level" of the reunion...

2. It is not possible to favorably compare someone's current look to that of Skeletor, no matter how hard you try.

1. At a post-reunion dessert gathering of people you haven't seen in 10 years, mentioning tentacle porn will clear out the room faster than yelling "FIRE." Please also take note of this method, as it was so successful I plan to use it frequently in the future.

Retail Therapy - Penny Tiled Floor

The Standard Hotel in New York City claims to be where "New York attitude meets California cool." I just might have to agree - look at this amazing floor in the entryway of the Standard Grill!


The entire floor is tiled with pennies. I adore it! The different shades of copper and the varying patinas give depth, warmth, and understated glamour... I think this could look spectacular in a warm yet modern kitchen or bathroom. However, my brain might have a very hard time with the fact that the pennies are randomly tiled both heads up and tails up, and are facing in random directions. Maybe they could be facing the same way? Is that too much to ask?

Be warned, however - doing this is technically prohibited by statute! "Whoever fraudulently alters, defaces, mutilates, impairs, diminishes, falsifies, scales or lightens any of the coins coined at the mints of the United States . . . shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than five years, or both." 18 U.S.C. §331. I would argue that this is neither fraudulent nor an alteration of currency - so if I ever have a chance to tile something with pennies, I might just take it!