If the Shoe Fits, Buy It! Christian Louboutin Carnival peeptoe

Raaaawr, this is a fiesty shoe!

This Christian Louboutin Carnival d'Orsay peeptoe is glorious! The embellishment reminds me of a feathery ankle afro. I did not know until this very moment that my ankles desired feathery afros. But they do. Vehemently.

These shoes may be a bit over the top for the average lady, but I say go for it. If I had an extra $1,000 or so, I would go for it, too!

The Bacon Top 40 Countdown - Part 4 - The Finale!

The Bacon Top 40 Countdown - Part 4

Here it is... the final installment in my Bacon Top 40 Countdown! I did not include it on my countdown, but before we conclude I must pay homage to a bacon-related item my brother and I developed: the 4-Pork Omelette, which includes a combination of fluffy eggs, sharp cheddar, ham, sausage, cubed pork loin, and bacon. Holy pork overload!

THE FAUX PAW BLOG
BACON HAIKU 7:

Brown sugar bacon.

Tasty treat from the heavens,

so savory sweet.

THE FAUX PAW BLOG

BACON HAIKU 8:

Why do you tempt me,

My enticing greasy love?

Swiny seductress.

10. Bacon shoes: If only these had a porky heel, I just might be smitten.

9. Bacon lampshade: Just imagine the warm, sizzly scent that will waft your way if you use a 100 watt bulb. Mmm, like a Glade Plug In, but bacony and it provides a light source.



8. Brown sugar bacon: Only one of the finest combinations ever imagined. Here is my recipe:

[1] Line a cookie sheet with parchment paper, then cover with overlapping strips of bacon.

[2] Sprinkle 1/3 cup brown sugar evenly over the top.

[3] Bake at 375 degrees for about 35 minutes, on the top rack of the oven.

[4] Take it out when done, and eat it all.

[5] Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. You get the idea.

The middle strips will be chewier, and the outer strips will be crispier, so everyone should be satisfied. If not, then there is more for you!

7. Bacon poetry: I have included several original bacon haikus throughout the Bacon Top 40 Countdown, but must once again pay my respects to this glorious meat with another poem... this time, I offer you a limerick:

There once was a meat named Bacon,

Who made men's hearts start breakin.'

They no longer jogged,

Their arteries clogged,

For pork, their health was forsaken.

6. Bacon tuxedos: Could a girl turn down a date request from a sassy lad in a bacon tux? Oh heck no...

And check out the adult version:

Hey, foxy lady. Do you like pork?

5. Bacon lube: For porkier porking.

4. Bacon tattoo: This ranks in the top 10 most awesome tattoos ever. If only it was scratch and sniff.

3. Bacon salt: This bad boy makes life worth living as a vegetarian. Kosher and vegetarian, this bacon salt tastes like the real thing! I like it on cheesy eggs, popcorn, and especially in mashed potatoes... mmm... (A special thank you to my bacon salt dealer in Seattle for sending me my very own supply.)


2. Bacon maple bar: Sweet, salty, mapley, bacony, donuty... it's like Jesus, Santa, and the Jonas Brothers all came together to jointly bestow their glory upon the world in the form of this bacon maple bar.

1. Bacon vodka: WHO INVENTED THIS? ARE YOU MARRIED? DO YOU WANT TO BE? This fabulous product combines two of my most favorite things - BACON and VODKA! Genius. After a long day of drudgery at the office, I recommend coming home, tossing down your bacon briefcase, loosening your bacon tie, and imbibing a frosty cold bacontini. Rim the glass with bacon salt for a little glass of porky heaven.

*If for some reason you like my bacon poetry or posts, please refer back to my blog.

Throwback - Snoopy Sno-Cone machine

What up, b**ches, Snoopy's in da house!

How to make a Snoopy Sno-Cone in three easy steps:

Step 1. Stand on a chair to fish this sticky, grimy, awesome toy off the top shelf of the closet where your mom tried to hide it from you.

Step 2. Try to grind up an ice cube with a cheese grater attached to a plastic crank.

Step 3. Shovel the pathetic ice chips into a Dixie cup and flavor with powdered chemicals. Enjoy!

Optional: Spike said "sno-cone" with tequila.

Man, did I ever love this toy...

WTF? Kidz Bop

Kidz Bop...

Granted, I do not have children, so that may be part of why I do not understand Kidz Bop. This series of CDs takes current pop songs and makes them "child-friendly" by having kids sing them (horribly) and sometimes also changing the lyrics.


Example: Take You There - Sean Kingston

Real lyrics:
We can go to the tropics,
Sip pina coladas,
Shorty I could take you there...
Or we can go to the slums,
Where killas get hung,
Shorty I could take you there.

Kidz Bop lyrics:
We can go to the tropics,
We can get it poppin',
Shorty I could take you there...
Or we can party in the sun,
Chill and have fun,
Shorty I could take you there.

My conclusion: Maybe there are some things that just don't need to be little kid-friendly...like teen- or adult-oriented pop music?

I may be going out on a limb here, but perhaps if a song talks about "killas getting hung in the slums" it should just be considered inappropriate for children, and left at that. Hmm? No?

And please, don't even get me started on the fact that "Kidz" is spelled with a "Z"... how will we ever teach children to spell properly when words are intentionally spelled incorrectly to be "cute"?

Yes, I am seriously so crotchety that I do not understand why kids can't just be kids and listen to Raffi like I used to... what happened to "Baby Beluga" or "The More We Get Together"?

Take Your Pick! Saved by the Bell

"I'M SO EXCITED! I'M SO EXCITED! I'm so... SCARED." ~ Jessie Spano

Don't be scurred, it's just a Saved by the Bell poll!

Who is your favorite character from Saved by the Bell?
	Jessie
	Kelly
	Lisa
	Screech
	Slater
	Zack
pollcode.com free polls

Tales of a twentieth grade nothing...

Preparing to take the California Bar Exam is a rather trying experience. It leads some people (read: ME) to the brink of insanity, and one way to cope is to become hilariously delusional. Luckily, this makes for some interesting sound bites when you are prone to eavesdropping...

As overheard during the bar preparation course:

• There is no masturbation in contracts!
• UCC: when goods go bad.
• I see teats everywhere.
• Let's go out to the prison yard for lunch.
• I hate Jesus and I'm glad he died.
• Epic cookie fail: the baloney pony cookie.
• I feel like I am being bass-taped.
• Be a sheep, muching through the meadow and into the corral.
• I want to skin him and wear him as a cape. His male-pattern baldness will make for a nice neck-hole.
• The first octupus rape is negligence, the second is strict liability.
• I love Nutella - I spread it on myself like Vicks VapoRub...
• The latest New York Times bestseller: The Snack-Juggler's Daughter.
• Chuck Norris pierces the corporate veil with his fist.
• We call them river sandwiches, because we always take them to the lake.
• Set it up, knock it down, milk it dry.
• This isn't the Rite Center, it's the Wrong Center.
• That pill box looks like it belongs to an 80-year-old with dementia.
• I can smell small penises, if they were a perfume it would be called Eau de Flaccidity.
• Murderers just accelerate the inevitable.
• I bet you could fit all those blueberries in your mouth at once.
• I hope there is an essay question about ungulates.
• Sayonara, rat-f***er!
• I'm down with UCC, yeah you know me.
• Here we have a very distinct distinction.
• Is that almond butter? No, it's peanut butter. Is that peanut butter? No, it's almond butter.
• I'm going to stop shaving my armpits and only wear vests.
• Now, you don't have to be approximate or exact here. (Then what are you?)
• Mayonnaise + relish + anything = salad.
• You can remember the right test to use in this situation by remembering that "impossible" has an "O" in it, so it is an objective test. (What about the two "S"s in impossible?! Could that not possibly lead someone to think it is a subjective test? WTF? Worst. Tip. Ever.)
• Check out that Canadian tuxedo.
• Oh, sweet lady.

I am notoriously bad at studying, and in retrospect I wish perhaps I had studied a little more zealously, and watched fewer episodes of the Golden Girls.

Psych! Just kidding - I would NEVER wish I had watched fewer episodes of the Golden Girls, fool! Especially now that I know they are on throughout the day and evening on three different channels... oh, life can be so sweet.

Retail Therapy - Karen Millen strapless dress

Yum! This beautiful strapless dress is from British designer Karen Millen. The origami folds are a delicious modern touch on an otherwise classic silhouette. Plus, the orange color is fierce!