Saturday, July 25, 2009
Friday, July 24, 2009
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
So, it's getting a little thin on top? The Rogaine just isn't working anymore?
Boy, do I ever have a solution for you - "hair follicle replication" from HiStyl. Sounds fancy and expensive, right? HiStyl promises to take you "from baldness to boldness" - no way can you turn that offer down!
What is this boldness of which I speak? Why, it is a full-head, hair-shaped tattoo! Awesome!
It (sort of) makes your head perpetually look like you just got it shaved, rather than like you are just a normally aging human being.
Check it out:
What do you think - am I way off? Is this a WTF or a great idea?
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Monday, July 20, 2009
- Learn how to play the banjo. I have a very nice banjo but have no idea what to do with it. Ultimately, I want to be able to play the dueling banjos song from Deliverance, primarily so that I can play it in the woods to freak people the $*#% out.
- Memorize the U.S. presidents in chronological order. I am 100% positive that this will someday lead me to fame and glory. Or at least to winning a pub trivia contest.
- Compile a list of 50 books to read during the rest of the year. Once the Bar is over, I can get back to my favorite hobby, but I need book ideas! Thank goodness for the drunken book club my friends and I are starting. (See you in August, ladies?)
- Take a trapeze lesson. Just like Sex and the City's Carrie Bradshaw in Episode 82 ("The Catch")! Only without the angst and drama, and probably not including a one-night stand with a best man at my friend's wedding.
- Learn all about astrology so that I can 'read' people. I would like to be able to guess someone's astrological sign by analyzing their character traits, and vice versa. I will also need to get a velvet cape and hat with stars and moons on them, so that when I later try to sell my skills I look like a legit astrologer.
- Finally get on Wheel of Fortune. I have been trying for five years, and those shysters never pick me... they are clearly terrified of my potential for word domination.
- Send a secret to PostSecret... this is an easy one, but it seems scary to publish a secret to the world.
- Learn how to click my heels when jumping up in the air, like an excited leprechaun. I attempt this regularly, but keep getting worse at it instead of better.
Does anyone have suggestions or helpful hints as to how I may accomplish any of these goals?
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Isn't this a charming piece of bedroom decor? For those of you who would rather not sleep with the fishes, may I suggest this plush and delightful severed horse head pillow? I think I shall name mine Khartoum.
If you are interested in purchasing this cozy item, the fine people at Kropserkel will make you an offer you can't refuse.