If the Shoe Fits, Buy It! Jessica Simpson seersucker peeptoe

JS Jessica Simpson Barbie seersucker peeptoe pumps... I own these and I adore them ~ they are a glorious warm weather shoe! I love these with cropped dark denim and a white top... it is a great summertime look. As a bonus, they are both cheap and chic!

The Bacon Top 40 Countdown - Part 3

The Bacon Top 40 Countdown - Part 3

Welcome to segment 3 of the Bacon Top 40 Countdown! This week we will look at bacony items 20-11, and next week we will count down to the number 1 most bacony treat.

THE FAUX PAW BLOG

BACON HAIKU 5:

Glistening bacon,

I cannot avert my eyes.

Captivating pork.

THE FAUX PAW BLOG

BACON HAIKU 6:

Forbidden bacon,

I think of you so often.

Do you miss me too?

20. Bacon costume: Great, they make a bacon costume... but it is for Halloween, after all, so do they make a "slutty bacon" costume for women?

19. Bacon mayonnaise: I'm thinking this needs to be used for: potato salad, egg salad, turkey sandwiches, aioli, deviled eggs, juicy burgers, french fries, and anything else edible.

18. Bacon necktie: Maybe the invitation says "black tie," but I'm sure "pork tie" would also work.

17. Bacon assault rifle: Now bacon can kill you in more ways than one. I found this awesome BA-K-47 concoction on This Is Freaking Ridiculous.

16. Bacon briefcase: After you've thrown on your bacon tie, grab your meaty briefcase and get down to business. Everybody's workin' for the bacon, after all.

15. Bacon explosion: If you are human or porcine, I am sure you have heard of the infamous Bacon Explosion seen below. The folks at BBQ Addicts devised this multi-pork creation, which is composed of a log of Italian sausage, bacon, and barbeque sauce wrapped in a bacon weave exterior. It is cooked over a hickory smoke barbeque and glazed with extra sauce. It looks like a heart attack, but probably tastes like a miracle.

14. Bacon Hitler: Something so good, plus something so evil... I guess it doesn't really even out, does it? This photo was borrowed from the Royal Bacon Society Web site.

13. Bacon cinnamon roll: Top this with some icing and I could die happy.

12. Bacon air freshener: I can't think of any other scent I would rather have in my car... mmm... bacon... I bet it would be especially pungent on a warm day.

11. Candied bacon ice cream: I think this could only be improved by a salted caramel swirl.

*If for some reason you like my bacon haiku or other postings, please refer back to my blog.

Throwback - Lisa Frank

LISA FRANK!

OMG, like, do you remember Lisa Frank? She only made the raddest school supplies ever.

Middle school: "I'm sorry, you don't have a Lisa Frank folder to hold the homework that you wrote in purple ballpoint pen? You'll just have to find another place to eat lunch then." Loser.

I thought that these products were the most beautiful things I had ever seen when I was little... and I must admit, I still love them! Did you have any of the following designs? I definitely had the puppies and the junk food folders, and I am pretty sure I had the leopard and penguins as well.

However, check out one of the latest Lisa Frank folders currently on the shelves - are we now training little girls to be skanky bikers, or what? What the hell happened to kittens and puppies?

WTF? Baldness solution

So, it's getting a little thin on top? The Rogaine just isn't working anymore?

Boy, do I ever have a solution for you - "hair follicle replication" from HiStyl. Sounds fancy and expensive, right? HiStyl promises to take you "from baldness to boldness" - no way can you turn that offer down!

What is this boldness of which I speak? Why, it is a full-head, hair-shaped tattoo! Awesome!

It (sort of) makes your head perpetually look like you just got it shaved, rather than like you are just a normally aging human being.

Check it out:

What do you think - am I way off? Is this a WTF or a great idea?

Take Your Pick! Public restrooms

Ah, public restrooms... a paragon of cleanliness and sterility.

What do you always check for before using a public restroom?
	Toilet paper
	Hidden cameras
	Glory holes
	Toilet seat covers
	Sen. Larry Craig
pollcode.com free polls

Important Goals

I have decided to publicly acknowledge a list of goals I have set for myself, which will hopefully prompt me to actually achieve one or more:

• Learn how to play the banjo. I have a very nice banjo but have no idea what to do with it. Ultimately, I want to be able to play the dueling banjos song from Deliverance, primarily so that I can play it in the woods to freak people the $*#% out.
• Memorize the U.S. presidents in chronological order. I am 100% positive that this will someday lead me to fame and glory. Or at least to winning a pub trivia contest.
• Compile a list of 50 books to read during the rest of the year. Once the Bar is over, I can get back to my favorite hobby, but I need book ideas! Thank goodness for the drunken book club my friends and I are starting. (See you in August, ladies?)
• Take a trapeze lesson. Just like Sex and the City's Carrie Bradshaw in Episode 82 ("The Catch")! Only without the angst and drama, and probably not including a one-night stand with a best man at my friend's wedding.
• Learn all about astrology so that I can 'read' people. I would like to be able to guess someone's astrological sign by analyzing their character traits, and vice versa. I will also need to get a velvet cape and hat with stars and moons on them, so that when I later try to sell my skills I look like a legit astrologer.
• Finally get on Wheel of Fortune. I have been trying for five years, and those shysters never pick me... they are clearly terrified of my potential for word domination.
• Send a secret to PostSecret... this is an easy one, but it seems scary to publish a secret to the world.
• Learn how to click my heels when jumping up in the air, like an excited leprechaun. I attempt this regularly, but keep getting worse at it instead of better.

Does anyone have suggestions or helpful hints as to how I may accomplish any of these goals?

Retail Therapy - Horse head pillow

Severed horse head pillow... for a good neiiiiight's sleep


Isn't this a charming piece of bedroom decor? For those of you who would rather not sleep with the fishes, may I suggest this plush and delightful severed horse head pillow? I think I shall name mine Khartoum.

If you are interested in purchasing this cozy item, the fine people at Kropserkel will make you an offer you can't refuse.