Saturday, July 18, 2009
Friday, July 17, 2009
Welcome to the second installment of my bacon countdown... this week I have another delightful selection of bacony wonderousness for you, including more bacon poetry:
THE FAUX PAW BLOG
THE FAUX PAW BLOG
28. Bacon gumballs: Because blowing meat-bubbles is an under-rated hobby.
26. Bacon lip balm: The perfect way to achieve that greasy, glistening, I-just-ate-a-half-pound-of-bacon look. Also soothes lips after bacon burn, which occurs upon eating bacon straight from the hot pan.
22. Kevin Bacon: Not as delicious as porky bacon, but only about six degrees away.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
It was a sure-fire way to determine your future when you were in middle school! Will you live in a mansion, apartment, shack, or house? Who will you marry? What career will you have?
You picked your choices (or maybe your friend picked them for you), then they drew a spiral until you told them to stop. The number of lines in your spiral was the number you used to count through the options - if your number was six, you counted to the sixth item and crossed it out. Then you counted to six again, and again, and again, etc. The remaining items foretold your future!
There are a few new online versions of MASH available for this generation of little techies, but I will always fondly remember killing time in class with this old school version.
You can check out a few fancy-ass online versions here:
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Hmm... I believe shrimp is typically best when eaten fresh - as in straight from the ocean, not straight from the can. Shrimp in a can just sounds lukewarm, foul, and slimy to me.
And no, this is not catfood.
Canned pork brains (in milk gravy, no less)
If it's nasty when it goes in the can, it'll be nasty coming out of the can. Also, check out the nutritional facts... whoa.
Canned whole chicken
Ok, fine - maybe you live in the Gobi Desert and don't have access to fresh chicken, so you need this - but that still doesn't explain why it is covered in K-Y Jelly. Seriously?
Oh. Hell. No.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Now, I went to Catholic school as a small child, so I am familiar with large families... but 18 children who all have names that start with J? Now that's pushing it a little. If you have watched their show, it is pretty clear that the Duggars have hopped on the crazy train and aren't getting off any time soon.
The Duggar children currently include: Joshua, Jana, John-David, Jill, Jessa, Jinger, Joseph, Josiah, Joy-Anna, Jedidiah, Jeremiah, Jason, James, Justin, Jackson, Johannah, Jennifer, and Jordyn-Grace.
My question to you is, when the 19th Duggar child falls out of Michelle while she is unloading the dishwasher, what should they name it?
*A helpful hint to Michelle Duggar: it's a vagina, not a clown car.
Monday, July 13, 2009
THESE ARE WRONG, WRONG I SAY!
I am ashamed to know that these shoes exist, but I believe you must know your enemies in order to vanquish them.
Go forth and conquer these foes, my faithful army of tasteful shoe-lovers!
The Top 5 Ugliest Shoes:
- The Cloggens Web site indicates that Cloggens are "shoes for humans." The fact that they have to tell you their product is designed for human use is very, very scary.
- Many of the Cloggens shoes are currently 90% off (about $3.50 per pair), meaning you now have to pay only $3.57 more than they are actually worth.
- I don't even know where to start on these. What are they? Why did someone make them? Who would wear them? How did someone get the nerve to mass produce these? When will they go away?
- Imagine the ridiculous tan lines you would get sporting these by the pool.
- I believe I have made my feelings about Crocs abundantly clear in the past, but I will reiterate that I think Satan himself created these demonic plastic atrocities.
- I would be remiss if I did not inform you that the Crocs Web site allows you to select from "dressy," "trendy," and "high fashion" Crocs options. Seriously? What a Croc.
- These look like rubber alien feet, so if that's the look you are going for, you're in luck!
- I feel like these would be horribly uncomfortable, like wearing tiny condoms on all your toes.
- There is a fine line between comfort and insanity, and this shoe crosses the border far into crazy-land.
- What really gets to me is that they didn't even attempt to make it attractive - so if you have sore feet and have to wear these, you just have to give up your fashion sense at the door.