If the Shoe Fits, Buy It! Anne Michelle patriotic peeptoe

Happy 4th of July!

Let's celebrate with a wonderfully patriotic pair of peeptoes from Anne Michelle. Pair these with skinny jeans and a white tank top ~ you will be sporting the most fabulous all-American style!

I will be in yet another Bar exam prep class today... please pity me as you enjoy your BBQs and fireworks!

Feed Me Now! Taco Bell

Yes, I am seriously reviewing Taco Bell. I understand that it is borderline shameful to go to Taco Bell, especially with such easy access to the 754,130 delicious local taco shops, but sometimes a girl just has to run for the border. This week a trip to Taco Bell was the only feasible remedy after a particularly brutal bar prep class.

I will not bother to individually review the menu, as everyone knows what they like at the Bell... I do, however, have to honor my favorite Taco Bell item:

THE CHEESY GORDITA CRUNCH.

Hello, old friend...

I know that you are no longer listed on the menu at most locations, but the dedicated Taco Bell staff are always so kind to recreate you anyway - and I rarely even have to beg. I ask for you with beans instead of ground beef, and thus always know you will be warm, fresh, and fashioned exclusively for me. You should be made with no lettuce, of course, because warm, wilty vegetation has no place on you, a stunning masterpiece of lard, fat, and carbohydrates.

They fill your crispy corn taco shell with toasty refried beans, melty cheddar cheese, and an addictive zesty sauce... If they stopped there, yes, I think I would still care about you - but it is the next step that makes me fall in love. Your crunchy taco shell is then wrapped in a warm blanket of flatbread, the two shells cemented together with a layer of cheesy adhesive that knows no peer. You are now complete. You are a vision of tastiness. Oh, cheesy gordita crunch, at long last we meet again.

Throwback - Shoe Timeline

My love affair with shoes goes waaaaay back... in fact, I can trace an evolutionary timeline of my life through memories of my favorite pairs of shoes:

1983 - E.T. Shoes by Buster Brown - These were particularly hot with my Wonder Woman costume. I love E.T. Always have, always will. This quality of this picture does not really allow a full experience of the glory that were my pink and white E.T. shoes.

1985 - Ballet slippers - Because I was going to be a professional ballerina. I was also going to be an elephant. Luckily, I outgrew both ideas (though I am steadily inching farther from ballerina and closer to elephant).

1987 - Jelly shoes - A personal favorite, I also used my sparkly red pair when dressing up as Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz.

1989 - L.A. Gear - These were the first pair of shoes for which I desperately yearned, begged, and pleaded. I think I weeded the yard in 115 degree heat a hundred times to earn these bad boys. The swirls on the sides were called "flames" by my crew, and I sported my pink, black, and silver flames proudly. I also rocked these with two pairs of shoelaces - white and silver-black.

1991 - Fila - I suddenly became a hardcore thug who required gansta' shoes - and if Filas were good enough for the neighborhood bangers, they were good enough for me. I also started spraying my bangs up six inches into the air.

1993 - Airwalks - I had the only pair of turquoise and white Airwalks at my middle school, until some scary b* stole them from my locker during P.E. She wrote crappy grafitti all over them. I wished I was my 1991 thug self again, as I would have cut her, but alas I was not. I was now a "skater" who neither skated nor wished to skate.

1994 - Doc Martens - These were a necessity during my angsty so-called life phase. I actually had the imitation version from Payless, which was of course almost as humiliating as the Payless "Adidas," which had four stripes instead of three.

1996 - Steve Madden - I made a slight ladylike step up from Docs to these, which were basically Docs with heels. I also had a Mary Jane version, which were equally chunky and heinous.

1997 - Candie's - The taller, the better... I believe this introduction to the glory of the heel ushered in my current shoe era, which is unabashedly stiletto-centric.

WTF? Fetus cookie cutter

Mmm... fetus cookies...
...wait a minute, fetus cookies? WTF?!

Next time you are going to a pro-life potluck, pack a Tupperware full of these bad boys... I recommend pink cream cheese icing and red licorice string umbilical cords.

I also suggest leaving a big plate of these beauties out for Santa next Christmas! Leave him 1 if you are an only child, 2 if you have a twin, and 37 if you are a Gosselin.

Perhaps you could fashion a belly-shaped pinata, and stuff in a load of these puppies... when you whack it heartily with a stick, out they will pour! Good times, good times.

At any rate, I am sure that this cookie cutter will soon be a family heirloom. Future generations of feti are already looking forward to their inheritances.

Take Your Pick! Vehicular offenses

What should a vehicle NEVER have?
	"Baby on Board" sign
	Car bra
	Curtains
	Stuffed animals in the window
	All of the above
pollcode.com free polls

UPDATE:

My glorious friend from Texas has reminded me that I omitted a possible vehicular offense... truck nuts. I may have to object - after all, class and taste go hand-in-hand with hanging faux testicles from one's bumper. A lovely gallery of truck nuts photos are available on the Bumper Nuts Web site. Do enjoy.

Fun with search engines...

This is a bizarre and mildly embarrassing hobby, but I love to start entering something into my Google search bar to see what it thinks I am searching for. Say you have to do a report on Venezuela, our neighbor to the south, and you start to type "v-e-n" into the search bar - Google suggests that you may be looking for information about the Venetian, Venus Williams, Venice, or the Ventura County Star.

The best part of this is that you know people must search for the crazy stuff that actually comes up - these suggestions are searched enough to trigger an automatic response by Google.

Say you want to give your life savings to charity...

If you start to type: "How do I give..."

You may get:

• How do I give a hickey?
• How do I give a lap dance?
• How do I give up my parental rights?
• How do I give my cat a pill?
• How do I give myself an enema?
• How do I give myself a tattoo?

Maybe you are tired of receiving "enlarge your penis" emails...

If you start to type: "How do I stop..."

You may get:

• How do I stop my period?
• How do I stop breastfeeding?
• How do I stop snoring?
• How do I stop my dog from eating poop?
• How do I stop eating?
• How do I stop biting my nails?

Perhaps you want to know if your dog will eat tofu...

If you start to type: "Do dogs..."

You may get:

• Do dogs dream?
• Do dogs get colds?
• Do dogs have belly buttons?
• Do dogs sweat?
• Do dogs have periods?
• Do dogs have souls?

Perhaps you cannot recall where the nearest liquor store is located...

If you start to type: "Where is..."

You may get:

• Where is my refund?
• Where is the love?
• Where is my clock?
• Where is Chuck Norris?
• Where is the G-spot?
• Where is Dubai?

Say you are curious to know what else in the world looks like an opossum...

If you start to type: "Things that look like..."

You may get:

• Things that look like other things
• Things that look like herpes
• Things that look like faces
• Things that look like genital warts
• Things that look like pyramids
• Things that look like weed

Maybe you want to order the ShamWow, but aren't sure which easy number to call...

If you start to type: "How can you..."

You may get:

• How can you tell if a guy likes you?
• How can you tell if you are pregnant? (I hope you got the answer to #1 first)
• How can you tell if someone is lying?
• How can you determine if two lines are perpendicular?
• How can you mend a broken heart?
• How can you get herpes?

It is a wee bit bit scary that people turn to a search engine to ask how to know if they have any number of STDs, how to give themselves a tattoo, and whether dogs have souls...

Retail Therapy - Renova designer bath tissue

Renova sells a line of "designer bath tissue," a.k.a. colored toilet paper...


I have to admit, I think it is kind of cool - especially the black version. It reminds me of what you might expect to find in a chic nightclub.


The toilet paper comes in black, green, orange, and red... you could use orange and black for a Halloween party, and red and green for a Christmas celebration. Your guests will be so pleased that your festivity extends all the way to their bathroom needs.

If you are particularly fond of matching your tissue products, Renova also offers facial tissue, paper towels, and paper napkins in the four snazzy colors shown above.