Tales of a twentieth grade nothing...

Preparing to take the California Bar Exam is a rather trying experience. It leads some people (read: ME) to the brink of insanity, and one way to cope is to become hilariously delusional. Luckily, this makes for some interesting sound bites when you are prone to eavesdropping...

As overheard during the bar preparation course:

• There is no masturbation in contracts!
• UCC: when goods go bad.
• I see teats everywhere.
• Let's go out to the prison yard for lunch.
• I hate Jesus and I'm glad he died.
• Epic cookie fail: the baloney pony cookie.
• I feel like I am being bass-taped.
• Be a sheep, muching through the meadow and into the corral.
• I want to skin him and wear him as a cape. His male-pattern baldness will make for a nice neck-hole.
• The first octupus rape is negligence, the second is strict liability.
• I love Nutella - I spread it on myself like Vicks VapoRub...
• The latest New York Times bestseller: The Snack-Juggler's Daughter.
• Chuck Norris pierces the corporate veil with his fist.
• We call them river sandwiches, because we always take them to the lake.
• Set it up, knock it down, milk it dry.
• This isn't the Rite Center, it's the Wrong Center.
• That pill box looks like it belongs to an 80-year-old with dementia.
• I can smell small penises, if they were a perfume it would be called Eau de Flaccidity.
• Murderers just accelerate the inevitable.
• I bet you could fit all those blueberries in your mouth at once.
• I hope there is an essay question about ungulates.
• Sayonara, rat-f***er!
• I'm down with UCC, yeah you know me.
• Here we have a very distinct distinction.
• Is that almond butter? No, it's peanut butter. Is that peanut butter? No, it's almond butter.
• I'm going to stop shaving my armpits and only wear vests.
• Now, you don't have to be approximate or exact here. (Then what are you?)
• Mayonnaise + relish + anything = salad.
• You can remember the right test to use in this situation by remembering that "impossible" has an "O" in it, so it is an objective test. (What about the two "S"s in impossible?! Could that not possibly lead someone to think it is a subjective test? WTF? Worst. Tip. Ever.)
• Check out that Canadian tuxedo.
• Oh, sweet lady.

I am notoriously bad at studying, and in retrospect I wish perhaps I had studied a little more zealously, and watched fewer episodes of the Golden Girls.

Psych! Just kidding - I would NEVER wish I had watched fewer episodes of the Golden Girls, fool! Especially now that I know they are on throughout the day and evening on three different channels... oh, life can be so sweet.