The Faux Paw Blog: The Bacon Top 40 Countdown - Part 4

The Bacon Top 40 Countdown - Part 4

Here it is... the final installment in my Bacon Top 40 Countdown! I did not include it on my countdown, but before we conclude I must pay homage to a bacon-related item my brother and I developed: the 4-Pork Omelette, which includes a combination of fluffy eggs, sharp cheddar, ham, sausage, cubed pork loin, and bacon. Holy pork overload!

THE FAUX PAW BLOG
BACON HAIKU 7:

Brown sugar bacon.

Tasty treat from the heavens,

so savory sweet.

THE FAUX PAW BLOG

BACON HAIKU 8:

Why do you tempt me,

My enticing greasy love?

Swiny seductress.

10. Bacon shoes: If only these had a porky heel, I just might be smitten.

9. Bacon lampshade: Just imagine the warm, sizzly scent that will waft your way if you use a 100 watt bulb. Mmm, like a Glade Plug In, but bacony and it provides a light source.

8. Brown sugar bacon: Only one of the finest combinations ever imagined. Here is my recipe:

[1] Line a cookie sheet with parchment paper, then cover with overlapping strips of bacon.

[2] Sprinkle 1/3 cup brown sugar evenly over the top.

[3] Bake at 375 degrees for about 35 minutes, on the top rack of the oven.

[4] Take it out when done, and eat it all.

[5] Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. You get the idea.

The middle strips will be chewier, and the outer strips will be crispier, so everyone should be satisfied. If not, then there is more for you!

7. Bacon poetry: I have included several original bacon haikus throughout the Bacon Top 40 Countdown, but must once again pay my respects to this glorious meat with another poem... this time, I offer you a limerick:

There once was a meat named Bacon,

Who made men's hearts start breakin.'

They no longer jogged,

Their arteries clogged,

For pork, their health was forsaken.

6. Bacon tuxedos: Could a girl turn down a date request from a sassy lad in a bacon tux? Oh heck no...

And check out the adult version:

Hey, foxy lady. Do you like pork?

5. Bacon lube: For porkier porking.

4. Bacon tattoo: This ranks in the top 10 most awesome tattoos ever. If only it was scratch and sniff.

3. Bacon salt: This bad boy makes life worth living as a vegetarian. Kosher and vegetarian, this bacon salt tastes like the real thing! I like it on cheesy eggs, popcorn, and especially in mashed potatoes... mmm... (A special thank you to my bacon salt dealer in Seattle for sending me my very own supply.)

2. Bacon maple bar: Sweet, salty, mapley, bacony, donuty... it's like Jesus, Santa, and the Jonas Brothers all came together to jointly bestow their glory upon the world in the form of this bacon maple bar.

1. Bacon vodka: WHO INVENTED THIS? ARE YOU MARRIED? DO YOU WANT TO BE? This fabulous product combines two of my most favorite things - BACON and VODKA! Genius. After a long day of drudgery at the office, I recommend coming home, tossing down your bacon briefcase, loosening your bacon tie, and imbibing a frosty cold bacontini. Rim the glass with bacon salt for a little glass of porky heaven.