My Dream Dictionary

Just Dreamy...

Have you ever consulted a dream dictionary? You had a dream about, say, Papa Smurf, and you were just dying to know what that implied about your psyche... so you pulled out the old dream dictionary, thumbed through it to the S section and looked up "Smurf," only to find that the entry said "Papa Smurf? Seriously? Consult professional help. Sicko."

I have decided to take it upon myself to interpret several themes commonly found in dreamland. The traditional dream interpretations below were obtained from http://www.dreammoods.com/, a veritable goldmine of dream interpretations.


Chases
Traditional interpretation: How you react to being chased in your dream parallels how you respond to pressure and cope with fears and stress. It may show that, instead of confronting a situation, you run away and avoid it.
Faux paw interpretation: Your subconscious is warning you that you are being stalked by an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend who has attached a magnetic GPS tracker to the undercarriage of your car - you know, the one you "keep running into" everywhere you go?


(Side note: I had a recurring chase dream many, many times when I was young in which an enormous sumo wrestler with a giant machete was chasing me through Chris-Town, the local mall. Every time, I would barely manage to evade capture and death by hiding behind a display of pastel, seashell-shaped decorative soaps. Apparently I felt that soap was an adequate sumo deterrent).


Clowns
Traditional interpretation: A clown symbolizes absurdity, light-heartedness, and a childish side to your own character. The clown's actions signify your own uninhibited or thoughtless actions.
Faux paw interpretation: If you dream about clowns, it most likely means that there is a blood-spattered clown with a scythe hiding under your bed, waiting patiently until you drift off into REM sleep.


Falling
Traditional interpretation: Falling is an indication of insecurities, instabilities, and anxieties. You are feeling overwhelmed and out of control in some situation in your life.
Faux paw interpretation: This is a premonition that you are going to fall off a very, very high bridge within the next 24 hours. If you do not normally cross over a very, very high bridge in your daily routine, be sure to do so after having this dream, to find out if it comes true.


Flying
Traditional interpretation: Flying dreams suggest that you are on top of a situation and have risen above something. Flying and the ability to control your flight is representative of your own personal sense of power.
Faux paw interpretation: Most likely, you took some Ambien before you went to bed, and are actually sleepwalking along the precipice of your roof. It just feels like flying. You'll wake up on the ground soon enough. Or in the hospital.


Nudity
Traditional interpretation: If you are naked in your dream and become mortified, it reflects your vulnerability or feelings of shamefulness. You could also fear that people will see through your true self and you will be exposed as a fraud or a phony.
Faux paw interpretation: If you are dreaming about nudity, empirical studies show that you are probably also dreaming about Papa Smurf. First time, shame on Papa Smurf. Second time, shame on you.


Teeth
Traditional interpretation: Dreams about losing your teeth reflect your anxiety about your appearance and how others perceive you. They can also be rooted in your fear of being embarrassed or making a fool of yourself in some specific situation.
Faux paw interpretation: Dreams about losing your teeth signify that a move to the Ozarks is in your near future. Load up that pellet gun, Ma, we's agonna have squirrels for supper!


Tests
Traditional interpretation: If you dream that you are failing a test, it means you are concerned that you are not measuring up to other people's expectations of you. It could also indicate that you are experiencing fear of not being accepted, not being prepared, or not being good enough.
Faux paw interpretation: If you dream that you have failed a significant test, you may want to consider a visit to this Web site, where you can get handy dandy e-postcards to notify your, um, extra close friends and little black book associates that you failed such test.


Water
Traditional interpretation: Seeing water in your dream symbolizes your unconscious and emotional state of mind. Water is symbolic of spirituality, knowledge, healing and refreshment.
Faux paw interpretation: If you dream about water, you have probably peed in your bed. Sorry. I hope you have plastic sheets.