Take Your Pick Tuesday - What does this blog need?

This blog has what appears to be a dynamite author, but word on the street is that it still needs a little somethin' somethin'. What do you think?

What does this blog need?
	Less cowbell
	A little more cowbell
	A lot more cowbell
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I proctored the SATs.

I do it fairly often. It is boring. How boring, you ask? Well, on a scale of filing your taxes to having a threesome with two members of Jersey Shore (Pauly D and Vinnie, thankyouverymuch), proctoring the SATs falls squarely near the 1040-EZs rather than the GTL.

The only thing worse than getting up at 6 am on a Saturday to proctor the SATs might be actually taking the SATs... nope, proctoring is still worse.

• The SATs are kind of a bitch. They may have changed since your day (if they even had SATs back in 1602 or whenever you all were in high school), but the whole test-taking process is about 5 hours including testing and mandatory breaks. However, that being said, I reiterate that they are only kind of a bitch. The real bitch, the ex-girlfriend-who-cut-up-your-favorite-shirt-and-put-sugar-in-your-gas-tank-and-threw-a-frozen-turkey-through-your-living-room-window-last-Thanksgiving sort of bitch, is the bar exam. Which I took and passed with flying colors on the first time around (they don't tell you how well you did, so I clearly scored #1 out of 875 million... obvi.) I have no use for these whiny, entitled children and their scary little SATs.
• These wee babes think their entire lives depend on this test. I want to smack them all and say "guess what, it doesn't matter - you could get a 1520 or a 4 or a 2260 or a 4357895934857.8, and you'll probably still end up a highly educated 29-year-old mid-level administrator at a regionally recognized university who lives paycheck to paycheck and sometimes eats frozen yogurt for all three meals in a day." I'm not projecting.
• At this particular session, the SATs went swimmingly until about three hours in, at which point I believe a full harem (clan?) of bagpipers descended upon the testing site. Despite the best efforts of my fellow proctor and I, closing every window could not stop the aural assault. I do not lie when I say that the bagpipers piped for about an hour and a half... they kept stopping intermittently, leading us to believe that the Celtic fun was over, but after a few minutes they would start their jam session again. While the bagpipers may have disturbed the test-takers, I'm fairly certain that my dance accompaniment worked in their favor.
• One of the kids asked if we closed the windows because of the bagpipe noise. I'm pretty sure he'll be headed to Harvard. Get ready for an intellectual powerhouse, Crimson!
• I learned that the SAT-taking uniform for young ladies consists of a college sweatshirt (presumably from their intended university, but also possibly from their herpes-ridden frat-house boyfriend from the state school), second-skin leggings through which you can essentially see their uteri, and Ugg boots that smell like moist woolen feet.
• One of the kids looked exactly like Jamie Walters, aka Ray Pruit from the original (and one and only) Beverly Hills, 90210. This 17-year-old looked so much like Ray Pruit that I had to make an actual concerted physical effort not to push him down the stairs à la Palm Springs and scream "Donna Martin graduates." I sat on my hands until the urge passed. Several times.

Retail Therapy - Kartell Ghost Chair

I am smitten with this mod line!  Phillipe Starck designed the amazing "Ghost" series of furniture for Kartell - including the iconic Louis Ghost Chair.

I just purchased the Victoria Ghost Chair, which is an armless version of the Louis, to pair with a sleek black writing desk in my home library.  It is a spectacular and unexpected combination of a clean, modern aesthetic and a traditional shape.

While I love the simplicity of the Ghost Chairs on their own, how delicious is the Louis with an airy slipcover?

 Picture from Willow Decor blog

If the Shoe Fits, Buy It! Prada peeptoe with patent knot

Perfectly precious palest pink patent Prada platform peeptoes!  Picture these with a little, black, boatneck, knee-length dress - wouldn't that be just heavenly!?  I think I'm in looooove.

The Friday Fivesome - Places you don't want to run into your parents

Drumroll, please... introducing... The Friday Fivesome!

I know that this has traditionally been Feed Me Friday, but the lusty food whore in me has demanded that I create a separate new blog devoted entirely to my culinary adventures - so please help The Faux Paw Blog welcome The Friday Fivesome into your lives!

To get really entertaining, this will require some reader participation.  Each week will feature a different category of fivesome, and I request that my loyal readers post their own version of the fivesome in the comments... I'll tell you my five if you'll tell me yours!

Fivesome of the week: Places you don't want to run into your parents

1. Deja Vu (aka "The Vu")
2. The Olive Garden
3. Planned Parenthood
4. Dick's Old-Timey Nudist Colony
5. Highway rest stop, stall number four, next to the phone number for Sea Bass

What are the five places where you wouldn't want to run into your parents?

Throwback - Fisher Price 1-2-3 Roller Skates

I am definitely dating myself here (and why wouldn't I date myself, I'm fabulous!), but I definitely had these bad boys when I was a kid.  The Fisher Price 1-2-3 roller skates were h. o. t.

Yes, children, back in the olden days we didn't have shoes with built-in wheels like you modern day younguns - we had to strap these bulky plastic wheels over our regular shoes in order to roll uphill both ways, through snow, to get to school every morning.  And guess what?  I loved every single second that I was wearing these death traps!

WTF? Placenta teddy bear

Okay, this is just straight up nas-tay... this teddy bear is  made from a placenta!  Yes, I said placenta. Are you still with me here? Don't be fooled - even though it looks like a leathery empanada bear, it is indeed crafted solely from afterbirth. Could anyone please explain to me why this is a good idea?

Why?

WHY?!!?!

I need to go have a serious talk with my uterus now, just to be sure it's not hatching some kind of crazy plan behind my back.